Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
