I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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