Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
