just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
