i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
