They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
