Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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