I want to walk on stilts...naked
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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