ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Randomize
