I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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