At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
