Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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