i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
