She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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