So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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