I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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