well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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