thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
