she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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