Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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