You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fuck appropriateness.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
