I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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