she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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