you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
