please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
