god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
