I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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