note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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