Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
