That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
