We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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