I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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