That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
