Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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