if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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