SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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