I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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