She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
