He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
