My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
