What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize