The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
