this beer tastes like vomit already
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
