oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
