yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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