its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Text me some of your sweat
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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