I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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