I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
