I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
