just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
