I just saw a hot homeless man
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
