Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
