There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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