You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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