He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
