Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
