I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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