His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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