Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
