Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize