hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
