I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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