I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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