I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
