Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
