turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
