Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
