I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
