I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
