i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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