It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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