I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
