Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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