Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
