And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
