she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
