dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
