gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
