Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
