If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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