im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize