Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
All I want is dick and wine.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
