HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize