Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
