Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
