You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize