One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Where is the hickey?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
