just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
