Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he just fucked me for my cheese.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
