She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
