imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
