I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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