Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
