I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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