I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize