it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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