Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
