I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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