How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize