Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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