p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
