the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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