Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
