if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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