I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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