I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
