Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize